Category: Family

  • Gender Politics

    Gender Politics

    Photo by Tim Mossholder from Pexels.

    **This is a personal website and reflects my thoughts and convictions. It does not represent any official position held by Youth With A Mission.**

     

    I did not see this coming!  Just a few years ago I had never heard the term “gender dysphoria” and I would have never guessed that it would be politically weaponised.

    But now, Sky News reports:

    The Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust (UK) offers gender identity services for children under 18, with some patients as young as three or four years old.

    They now have a record number of referrals and see 3,200% more patients than they did 10 years ago – with the increase for girls up by 5,337%.

    (Please note that this article is not about our attitudes towards people with sexual identity issues; it does not offer pastoral or counselling advice.  That is another very important topic that is beyond the scope of this article.)

    The numbers of children and young adults requesting sex change procedures is still relatively small, but the extraordinary growth patterns point to an epidemic.  What impact is it likely to make over the next decade or two?  Some people who transitioned years ago have begun to speak up:

    Ruby is now 21 but first began identifying as male at 13.  After taking testosterone her voice got a lot deeper, she grew facial hair and her body changed.  She had been planning to have surgery to remove her breasts this summer.

    However, in May, Ruby voiced the growing doubts she had been harbouring and made the decision to come off testosterone and detransition to identify as female.

    “I didn’t think any change was going to be enough in the end and I thought it was better to work on changing how I felt about myself, than changing my body,” says Ruby. 

    Charlie Evans, 28, was born female but identified as male for nearly 10 years before detransitioning.

    The number of young people seeking gender transition is at an all-time high, but we hear very little, if anything, about those who may come to regret their decision.  There is currently no data to reflect the number who may be unhappy in their new gender or who may opt to detransition to their biological sex.

    Charlie detransitioned and went public with her story last year – and said she was stunned by the number of people she discovered in a similar position.

    “I’m in communication with 19 and 20-year-olds who have had full gender reassignment surgery who wish they hadn’t, and their dysphoria hasn’t been relieved, they don’t feel better for it,” she says.

    If you would like to read more, quotes from the Sky News article are taken from:

    https://news.sky.com/story/hundreds-of-young-trans-people-seeking-help-to-return-to-original-sex-11827740

    Considering the growing number of people wanting to detransition, or at least wishing they hadn’t started the process, surprisingly, few of the proponents of gender transition have not suggested caution, or that more research should be done.  They claim that even talking about detransition is transphobic.  To me, that suggests that this is not primarily about helping people, but it must be part of some strange, possessing ideology.  Gender identity has been made a political weapon.

    There is so much publicity on this subject that you might think it is very common for babies to be born with unclear sex identity, so I looked it up.  Some say that as many as one in 2,500 children cannot be identified at birth as either male or female, but others say it is not that high, but closer to one in 5,000.  This has become a major social issue, not because it is a biological reality, but because it is a consequence of a political philosophy.

    Different shades of that political philosophy dominate the liberal arts courses of our universities and have done so for a generation.  Now they are being worked out in everyday social mores and in law.

    In 2007, Christopher Dummitt was one of the first academic authors to make the case that gender is not primarily a biological issue, but that it is socially constructed.  He recently wrote a humble confession in Quillette magazine where he admitted that, “The problem was, and is, that I was making it all up.”

    His article is important and revealing, so I am quoting it at length:

    When the American Historical Association surveyed the trends among major fields of specialization in 2007, and then again in 2015, the single largest field was women’s and gender history. This was right up there with social history, cultural history, and the history of race and sexuality. Each of these fields shared the same worldview as I did—that just about every identity was a social construction. And, that identity was all about power. (My added emphasis.)

    Back then, quite a few people disagreed with me. Almost nobody who hadn’t been exposed to such theories at a university could bring themselves to believe that sex was wholly a social construct, because such beliefs went against common sense. That’s what makes it so amazing that the cultural turnaround on this issue has happened so quickly. Reasonable people might readily admit that some—and maybe a lot—of gender identity is socially constructed, but did this really mean that sex doesn’t matter at all? Was gender solely based on culture? Yes, I would insist. And then I would insist some more. There’s nothing so certain as a graduate student armed with precious little life experience and a big idea.

    And now my big idea is everywhere. It shows up especially in the talking points about trans rights, and policy regarding trans athletes in sports. It is being written into laws that essentially threaten repercussions for anyone who suggests that sex might be a biological reality. Such a statement, for many activists, is tantamount to hate speech. If you take the position that many of my ’90s-era debating opponents took—that gender is at least partly based on sex, and that there really are two sexes (male and female), as biologists have known since the dawn of their science—uber-progressives will claim you are denying a trans person’s identity, which is to say, wishing ontological harm upon another human being.

    But what I can offer is a mea culpa for my own role in all of this, and a detailed critique about why I was wrong then, and why the radical social constructionists are wrong now. I once made the same arguments that they now make, and so I know how they are mistaken.

    If you would like to read the rest of that confession, it is available online:

    https://quillette.com/2019/09/17/i-basically-just-made-it-up-confessions-of-a-social-constructionist/

    (A book by Stephen Hicks, Explaining Postmodernism, helped me understand the ideology/philosophy behind this thinking.  Another very good source of context is a 43-minute video by Jordan Peterson:

    A friend and I did a long, high altitude hike this past summer in my home state of Colorado and we finished our week in a beautiful resort town.  As we trudged the final mile up the main street, which was busy with tourists, I saw a young boy wearing lipstick and eye-shadow; then I saw another a bit farther on, and then another. I was full of questions I couldn’t ask of the boys or their parents:

    Why?  When did it start?  Was there a triggering event? Does he wear make-up every day?  Is he receiving therapy and puberty blockers?  What was your response initially?  Before he started trying to look more like a girl, did he have a friend or friends who had led the way?  Was he bullied by peers, or rejected by an adult?

    As the book and lectures I have cited explain, this ideology is a re-packaging of Marxism and an all-out attack on the nations that have produced the greatest individual freedom, opportunities and prosperity in human history.

    As we resist this toxic ideology, we must also treat each person with empathy and respect.  So, let me be very clear: this article does not aim to provide any guidance for the pastoral care of someone experiencing uncertainty, or dissatisfaction with their sexual identity.

    What I have aimed to do is to convey an important message:  BE ALERT!  DON’T EXPERIMENT WITH CHILDREN’S LIVES!

    We are allowing an ideology that destroyed millions of lives in the 20th century to resurrect itself and don new clothing.  Now we are experimenting with the lives of millions of children.  If the influence of the ideology continues to grow, the chances of this turning out well are nil.

    Lynn Green.

  • Conversations to Weed Your Garden

    Conversations to Weed Your Garden

    Photo ©Lisa Fotios from Pexel

     

    **This is a personal website and reflects my thoughts and convictions. It does not represent any official position held by Youth With A Mission.**

     

    Weeding our Love Garden

    (These are notes from a message I gave to our community at our weekly meeting. Much of the following material was gleaned from the book, Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson.)

    Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples. (Jn 13:35)

    Just a few days earlier, James and John had asked for privilege and prominence above the others and when the 10 heard about it, they were very angry. (Mark 10:35-41)

    How did Jesus have faith for that?

    • He knew what depth of humility their failures on the following weekend would bring.
    • He knew the Holy Spirit would impart a new spirit of love.  (Watchmen)
    • He knew his example would prevail:  patience, kindness, rebuke, encouragement, forgiveness, kindness, the acts of a servant.

     I recently spent an entire day weeding the small allotment behind Hospitality.  I hadn’t pulled any weeds for about 6 weeks and it was over-run.

    Our relationships need very regular weeding.  How do we weed them??

                Acts of kindness

              Words of affection

              Most of all, honest conversations

    Some of those conversations are what could be called Crucial Conversations

    • Differences in opinions – or at least you think so.
    • Stakes are high
    • Emotions are likely to be strong

    When a situation arises that needs a crucial conversation, we often blow it before we even start:

    • We distance ourselves, avoid the other person, not engaging in any conversations with substance.
    • We let the emotion sweep us into confrontation without preparation.
    • We enter the conversation to let them know how we feel and make sure they know they have been wrong.  We plan to win an argument.

    We are sure our “story” is true and right.              

    A STORY is what I tell myself when I think I have seen facts.  People cannot escape filling in the blanks about what is going on, assuming motives in the other person, tending to create scapegoats, malevolent purposes etc.  AVOID holding on to such stories. Even the “facts” can appear differently from another person’s perspective.

    We are “dot connectors” and rarely will two people connect the dots the same, particularly when the issue gives rise to emotions.

    This is where judging comes in. 

    Keep reminding yourself that their story will almost certainly be different than yours and it might even be closer to reality.

     

    To have a successful crucial conversation, I MUST FIRST SEEK TO UNDERSTAND THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD.

    I MUST BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN PEOPLE DISAGREE WITH ME OR APPEAR TO DISAPPROVE OF ME OR MY BEHAVIOUR.  Do not push harder, do not start exaggerating or making up “facts”; do not use force of personality or over-confident persuasion.

    I MUST BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN I THINK I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO UNDERSTANDS.  WATCH OUT WHEN I THINK I AM THE DEFENDER OF TRUTH OR WHAT IS RIGHT. (I am probably just defending my ego.)  This will only create opposition.  Note when I am leaning forward, talking more forcefully, cutting others off etc…..

    WATCH OUT WHEN MY “STORY” THAT MAKES ME FEEL SELF-RIGHTEOUS OR SUPERIOR.  That is when I become unbearable and even dangerous to others.

    If the conversation becomes heated, back off and let the adrenaline drain away.  (Disagreement produces adrenaline to aid us in either fight or flight.  This an inescapable physical reality.) 

    I CAN HOLD ONTO MY BELIEF EVEN WHILE I SOFTEN MY APPROACH.

    Ask good questions.  Like, “How did you feel at that point? or, “Tell me how you see it.” or, “what would you like me to know?”

    Paraphrase their response back to them so they know they have been understood.

    Do your best to read their body language and engage them with yours. Be careful to display openness. For example, don’t lean back and fold your arms across your chest when they are speaking.

    You may need to prime the pump (eg. Do you feel we were unfair with you?  Do you feel that I don’t want you here?). 

    If the adrenalin is running, we might even need to discontinue that conversation and come back to it when emotions have died down.

    That is also the time when the second step of Matthew 18 might become necessary:  Anyone remember what that is? 

    vs. 16: If the initial one-on-one is unsuccessful, you take one or two witnesses and try again.  (Find a person or persons who are okay with both of you.)

    Note that this implies that you do not spread your dispute to others.  You go to the person.

    KEEP REMEMBERING THAT MY PATH IS NOT NECESSARILY MORE RIGHT THAN THEIRS.

    Are you aware of weeds in your love garden?  Do you need a crucial conversation, or maybe more than one?

  • Weight Loss Testimony

    Weight Loss Testimony

    YOU CAN DO IT!

     

    **This is a personal website and reflects my thoughts and convictions. It does not represent any official position held by Youth With A Mission.**

     

    I recently met a friend who was looking SO much better than when I last saw her.  She just seemed a lot more energetic and happier than before.  It seemed to me that she had lost quite a lot of weight, so I asked her if that was the case—always a bit of a risk—and she said, “Yes, I have lost more than 25 pounds and I feel so much better!”

    People who know me know that I have generally stayed fit (That’s the English term.  In American-speak, I have stayed in good shape.), and I suspect most people think that I just got the “luck of the draw”, speaking genetically.  As a result, I have been hesitant to write about healthy living.  The truth is, I have had to be careful about eating and have kept up at least moderate exercise, even when I had heart arrhythmia problems.  With that combination, I have generally kept my weight at the level where I feel healthy.

    I figured my friend’s story was much more relevant and helpful than mine, so I asked her to please write a short account of how she did it and here it is:

    It started out as a simple Lenten Fast – determining to fast sugar during the Lenten Season for 40+ days.  In the past, I have always given up during a fast, and have never been able to complete one that I can ever remember.

    As I sought Abba about how to go about it to stay on course, I reflected on the purpose of giving up something for Lent – it is an expression of love towards and dependence upon Jesus out of gratitude for all He has done, and to prepare my heart for the glorious celebration of the cross and the resurrection!

    So a phrase came to me to repeat to myself throughout the fast to keep me on track – “I love You, Jesus, more than sugar!”

    That phrase and the heart behind it was the key for my successful completion of the fast.  And for the first time after many failed attempts, I finally was able to drink coffee without sugar from Day 1 of the fast, which started on Ash Wednesday.

    What was surprising to me was how much weight I began losing as a result of the fast!  It began to feel so good that I had to keep reminding myself that the fast was NOT a weight-loss program!  My purpose was to simply express my love for Jesus above and beyond sugar and processed carbs (which I also added to the fast). 

    After Easter, I felt so good from the weight loss that I decided to continue limiting sugar, processed carbs, and then I began logging calories consumed. The 40+ days of the fast had helped ‘kick-start’ a re-boot of my cravings, and I had begun consuming more nutrient rich calories, rather than craving the ‘empty calories’ of processed carbs and sugars.

    I didn’t really increase my daily exercise, but I did start more core-strengthening exercises, as well as squats and arm stretches.  Other than that, I didn’t do too much.

    For my 63rd birthday, my 4 children and their spouses gave me a FitBit to track my steps, which I actually do quite a bit around my home.

    Since June, we have the family of one of our children living with us for surgery with a lengthy recovery, giving me the responsibility, along with the father, as care-giver for their 2 children – a toddler and an infant.  With the stairs in our home, it is very taxing physically.  At the beginning of this year, it would have been very difficult for me to manage with the little ones.  But since I’ve lost all this weight, and have gotten in better shape with simple exercises, I am able to climb the stairs up to 35 times a day, and to care for the 2 little ones.  (At my age, it is a daunting task.) The 30-something parents are better suited. But God knew and helped me get into shape for just such a time as this.  I’m so grateful to Him for His help, grace and strength.  

    That is one of many success stories I have heard or read in the last two or three years.

    There has never been a time like this in the history of mankind, where the food industry provides us with tastes and textures that we enjoy, but do not nurture our bodies.  They can also be addictive.  Sugar, complex carbohydrates and processed foods can be incredibly appealing, but can also cost us dearly in the long run.

    If you know you are not stewarding the body God gave you as well as you think you should, perhaps this brief testimony can provide some encouragement to not give up!

    Lynn Green.

  • Family: God’s Loving and Kind Design

    Family: God’s Loving and Kind Design

    Photo ©Guduru Ajay

     

    **This is a personal website and reflects my thoughts and convictions. It does not represent any official position held by Youth With A Mission.**

    I’m sitting at my computer with my wife of nearly 50 years just a few feet away, in front of a warm wood fire.  These circumstances stir up thoughts about the goodness of God and the infinite intelligence displayed in his design of family.

    SHAPING ONE ANOTHER

    We have been companions for the past 5 decades.  Some moments have been hard, fractious and frustrating, but the overwhelming themes have been love, mutual support, encouragement, affection, intimacy, warmth and complementary abilities.  We have loved one another and, at the same time, have discipled one another.

    We have seen four children into adulthood, into marriage and into parenthood.  We look back at many things we could have done better.  Things we know now that we wish we had known then.  We have been humbled by our failures as parents and basked in the joy of seeing our children do great things.

    AT LEAST THREE GENERATIONS

    We deeply enjoy the pleasure of 11 grandchildren, all of whom live within a short distance of us—a blessing we never anticipated.  But, even though all our children have travelled widely and are mostly still engaged in other nations, they have chosen to live near us—a pleasure find hard to believe!

    Our marriage relationship has been the primary human factor in shaping our Christian lives.  We have argued, been angry or hurt many times, but the Holy Spirit has used these times to bring us to conviction, repentance and positive change.  Our children and grandchildren have provoked us to a rich prayer life together—alternating between desperation at times, and gratitude.

    PURE LOVING-KINDNESS

    Surely it is the unfathomable love of God that resulted in the design of family.  He kindly, you might say lavishly, made us male and female.  He decided that our intimate love with one another would result, normally, in children.  He planned for the children to be nurtured in the love between a man and a woman and that their humble, determined, but joyful efforts to make their relationship work would prepare their children for satisfying living in a sinful and suffering world.

    REDEEMING EVERY SITUATION

    And then, He made provision for those whose lives have not begun or been shaped in the context He designed.  Where children have been born and/or raised outside of a grace-filled love between a man and a woman, He extends his loving-kindness to redeem those lives and “make all things new”.

    MORE THAN WONDERFUL

    This Providential design is too wonderful for us to treat it dismissively or to decide that we can do better.  Though He can redeem all things, we are wise to seek the best of His original design.

    I think I’ll join my wife by the fire now.

    Lynn.